Unhinged with My Ex-Husband, Part 1: Inside His Affair

Everyone and their mother has asked hundreds of questions surrounding the very tell-all divorce...so Cassidy and Brett decided to deliver with a very personal and open conversation. Cassidy and Brett sit down in the first part of this two part series to talk about the hard parts of what led to Brett's affair in the midst of a complicated time in their marriage and family life, how Cassidy found out, and how they are choosing to move forward to co-parent their two young children and find ways to heal as they enter their 30s and part ways from a nearly decade-long relationship.

***We would love for you to become a monthly subscriber to the show! Even receive shoutouts for signing up.***

Transcript

Cassidy Weyers  0:00  
Yeah. I'm like shaking, why am I shaking?

Brett Weyers  0:07  
I think it's because what you've been doing so far has been posting things to social media. So there's kind of like a lens between you and in the rest of world a little bit. And this is like people actually get to hear your voice now.

Cassidy Weyers  0:24  
That's unfortunate. All right, let's dive into it. So, you know, kind of how this went, I kind of gave people the question or the ability to do q&a,

Brett Weyers  0:36  
bring your bring your mic a little closer to your mouth.

Cassidy Weyers  0:39  
I give people the ability to do a q&a style. So I post a box, I give them a free for all. And then we compiled the list of the questions that everybody has asked us regarding specifically, our divorce process thus far. But more or less people want to know about the actual affair and the details. So let's get into it. The first one that we'll kind of start out with is it said cast you said you've been cordial in front of the kids towards Brett, please don't tiptoe and be cordial with him on this podcast. He needs to feel what he has done to you. I think you felt a lot of that the past month and a half. And everything, it's really a question. I think that's just a

Brett Weyers  1:31  
good idea. I don't think you were cordial. Like you made it. I don't know how to put it without painting you in like bad light of like how?

Cassidy Weyers  1:44  
I don't think you need to worry about painting me too bad light.

Brett Weyers  1:47  
You. You gave me brutal honesty. You let me have it.

Cassidy Weyers  1:51  
But it was deserved. I think it was warranted. But like everything that

Brett Weyers  1:55  
social media was telling you to do. Like, I don't think that they were aware. But you are already doing that. Like you are already.

Cassidy Weyers  2:03  
I think people are expecting a fight. I think people were hoping for the ugly, like all of the stereotypical divorce concepts we hear about when we hear about people getting divorced after an affair, right. Especially after how long we've been together. I think so many people are expecting that war, you know? And

Brett Weyers  2:20  
why do you think people were expecting war,

Cassidy Weyers  2:24  
that's the, that's the cliche. Like, that's what you expect out of a divorce, and people divorce cliche when someone's had an affair. Like, that's just the typical go to, rightfully so. Um, but I think ultimately, that doesn't really serve me. Like, in the end game, for me is what's best for me. And best for me is not being angry at you forever being ugly with you. Because ultimately, the one person that pains the most is going to be me and the kids. So

Brett Weyers  2:47  
I mean, you were, you're angry at me for long enough. 10 plus years.

Cassidy Weyers  2:52  
I wouldn't even say I was angry that entire time. I think there were moments based on your actions. If I were angry the entire 10 years, we wouldn't be married. Like in theory, what would have been the point? There was way more happy than there was bad necessarily. I think it's more or less just being aware of what got us to this point to which obviously, we're going to talk about the next question was Brett, why did you agree to do this podcast?

Brett Weyers  3:23  
You asked me that question earlier this week. And I've been like, I've been thinking about it. Like, what's my what's my motive? What's my purpose? For for agreeing to come on your, your unhinged podcast? I love the name, by the way.

Cassidy Weyers  3:39  
You didn't? Initially let's not bull show?

Brett Weyers  3:43  
No, because I was worried that the name was gonna. You were

Cassidy Weyers  3:47  
worried it had a negative connotation. And it kind of does. But I think that's the fun in it. I mean, I'm looking for a good time.

Brett Weyers  3:52  
Yeah, it does. I mean, you are being unhinged as in like, there's no filter anymore. Like, everyone's gonna see exactly what the fucking truth is. And so, yeah, I love that name, by the way, so I won't go off on that tangent. My purpose for my reason for coming on the podcast and saying yes to it was. I don't know, I think. I think I wanted to give people a chance to have all of their questions answered. Had you asked me last week, three weeks ago, two weeks ago, like, I don't think I would have been in a place where I would have agreed to it simply because I was. I was still doing a lot of self reflection. And I don't I didn't have the answers to some of these questions a few weeks ago. And so now that I do I feel like I can come onto your podcast and actually give an honest insight of what's going on rather than just giving everyone you know, assumptions of of what and feeling. And

Cassidy Weyers  5:07  
so, to follow up with that there was another question that kind of coincided with why you agreed to do the podcast but more or less? Why do you feel the need to explain your behavior?

Brett Weyers  5:19  
I don't think I feel a need to explain my behavior. I have a need to understand my behavior. Because God, yeah, after I cheated, I knew I didn't know why the fuck I did it. I didn't know if it was because I didn't love you or and I was just tricking myself into thinking that I loved you. I didn't know if it was because there's something really fucked up about me. Yeah.

Cassidy Weyers  5:52  
You know, what I find most interesting about that statement? Is that you question at any point that you whether or not you loved me, I mean, that's fascinating.

Brett Weyers  5:59  
I think the reason that I questioned it was because I, I had recently been aware, made aware of the fact that like, I'm a chameleon, and I would change my personality and the way I would act based on the people I was around. And I think just because I had made a mistake that I never thought that I would, I'm not going to say mistake, I made a choice that I never thought that I would make. And so if I, if I made a choice that I never thought that I would make, I was like, what else is fake in my life? Or what else is the actual truth? So in order to do myself, do right, by myself and actually fully under, start to understand who I am? And also to do right by you? Because right if if I had tricked myself, or like, just tried to convince myself that I loved you, and it wouldn't, it wouldn't be fair to you. Like, I almost felt like I owed you the effort of finding that out because that was a question of yours for years.

Cassidy Weyers  7:05  
I mean, none of this was fair to me. Yeah. You scared? Could you look nervous? Maybe a little. We're just getting started. We have so many questions. All right. Let's finish out this nice little intro. Are you embarrassed to talk about it? I was. I think that's past tense.

Brett Weyers  7:44  
Yeah. That's not correct. I'm still embarrassed to talk about it, but not as embarrassed. Yeah, that's fair.

Cassidy Weyers  7:53  
All right. Let's get into the actual like nitty gritty of the affair itself. I categorize these questions, according to what made the most sense. So

Brett Weyers  7:59  
are they color coded? Maybe you kept my life running, and I know exactly how you did it.

Cassidy Weyers  8:11  
Someone asked did Brett, thank you wouldn't ever find out?

Brett Weyers  8:17  
I think I had, I had hoped you wouldn't. I hope that you wouldn't find out because I knew.

I have to stop reasoning with logic. Because I'm speaking from both past tense and present, because I've, I've learned a lot of things about my behavior. So I think it's fair to everybody that I focus on speaking from, like, that exact moment, or

Cassidy Weyers  8:43  
actually, they want to know what happened in that moment.

Brett Weyers  8:48  
Did I ever think you would find out?

Cassidy Weyers  8:50  
They asked, did they think that I wouldn't find out?

Brett Weyers  8:55  
I knew it. I knew the entire time in the back of my head, you would always find out.

Cassidy Weyers  9:01  
That never scared you Hey, oh, it scared the shit out of me. You still did it too wild? Yeah. I don't know something about that, to me is fascinating. And I think we've talked about this so much throughout the course of the time we've been together, but our brains work so differently. Like the way I perceive a situation and the way I think of the big picture, I try to think ahead to understand the various routes and the consequences that could come with each choice. And I make very calculated decisions based on that. So I've always had it's fascinating that you shoot from the hip in the worst possible way at all the wrong time.

Brett Weyers  9:36  
What do you mean by shoot by shoot from the hip?

Cassidy Weyers  9:38  
You wait to the last second and then you make the poorest decision possible without ever thinking of what comes after?

Brett Weyers  9:45  
I don't think I waited till the last second to make no I mean,

Cassidy Weyers  9:49  
you're right to some extent. You did calculate your actions like there had to be work to have an affair like you had to put an effort to have the affair. You had to hide it from me you had to make up calculated lies like there was a lot that stemmed into that, yeah, I just think that ultimately, it's fascinating that you had so many chances to stop or think twice and you never thought about, like how it would impact our kids or what that would do to the entirety of their life. And if you did, you didn't care enough to stop.

Brett Weyers  10:15  
I thought about it. I did. I did. I did. I thought about the kids constantly, I thought about them. Before I made the choice. I thought about them while I was thinking about making the choice,

Cassidy Weyers  10:27  
but never enough to stop. I thought

Brett Weyers  10:29  
about them after there was something more powerful driving what I did, then the love that I had for my family, and doing right by them and the thought of fucking up their life. Yeah, there was something. Something really sick and unhealthy. That just,

Cassidy Weyers  10:48  
therapy is gonna do you wonders, dude. Yeah, I think it's so hard for me to relate. Because i Everything I do is with my kids in mind, every fucking step I take is making sure that it's in their best interest.

Brett Weyers  11:01  
What do you think the difference between you and I is?

Cassidy Weyers  11:06  
I think I have this very, very deep understanding for how life works in the big picture. And we've talked about this, how I have that very deep appreciation for the fact that like, every single day could be your last. And that means that every decision I make has to be with that in mind, because I never want to have to look back or think that I didn't make the right choice at the right time and not have the chance to change or do differently. I have such a fucking Nying nagging remembrance of that every damn day.

Brett Weyers  11:43  
Do you think that I didn't contemplate or think about the future at all?

Cassidy Weyers  11:48  
No, I think you did. But I don't think you truly understood it. I think there's a difference between surface glossing it like you do. The same way that in the past, when we've been through shit, you would just gloss it over, hoping it would make itself better hoping that the problem would go away eventually. But you didn't actually have like that deep rooted understanding that like your actions would influence that end result. They were like completely separate universes in your head. I learned that over time with each passing mistake, you never actually understood the depth of the gravity of your choices.

Brett Weyers  12:25  
I I'm just thinking because like that couldn't be further from the truth of what was going on inside my head. But what did happen is that all of my actions and every choices that I made showed you what you just described. Yeah, and that was not what was going on inside my head. And I didn't know how to get the shit the bad shit out. And let the good shit come forward,

Cassidy Weyers  12:51  
sir. Yeah, alright, let's get to a good question. How did Cassidy find out about the affair? And how long did it last?

Brett Weyers  13:02  
Isn't that a question for you? Yeah. How do I

Cassidy Weyers  13:03  
set this going for me to answer? Oh, ha, never forget. So it was November 2 2022. It was a Wednesday. It was like nine o'clock in the morning. And Ileana surgery was exactly two weeks out. And I had texted you that morning asking you to give me a call because I had to arrange a couple of pre op appointments for her the following week, heading into her surgery, and I wanted to see if we could balance the schedule of taking her between the two of us. So I could get some work done. You could do one of them. Whatever that might be. You know, we've always had read receipts on we've always shared location, couple hours passes and you still haven't read the text. So I'm like, okay, maybe he's just really busy at work. But now I'm like, I really need to get this shit scheduled. Like I need to get the ball rolling on getting this stuff scheduled. I need to get a hold of you. Check your location, it says you're still at work. I'm like, Okay, so I'm like, You know what, maybe he's got his work going on. He always has it on him when he's at work. So I think I texted your work phone first. And you didn't answer for a bit. And then I called it because now I'm getting irritated. Now it's a couple hours passed. And I'm just like, there's no way you haven't checked a single phone. So you finally sent something about dealing with a work emergency or some bullshit like that. And I'm like, okay, great. So I really need to get a hold of you. You need to like pause whatever you're doing for like five seconds and just give me a quick call. So we can go over scheduling stuff next week. And you kept giving me some wine a shit about being in a ceiling dealing with some type of emergency and I knew right then in there, it was fucking sauce. But then it got really good because I got a transaction notice for one of our credit cards that there have been like $24 spent at fuel Cafe, which is like 15 minutes from your job and I'm like, No, something's really fucking weird. And at this point, I told you I think I texted your request and you have five minutes to fucking call me. And I think you probably at that point did call me if I remember correctly. Yeah, I did. And I asked you about it and you tried to tell me that a co worker took your car to go pick up lunch for everybody or some shit like that. I'm like, Good. Go pick up your phone and read the text and call me from your personal phone because I knew right then and there you were full of shit. I knew you weren't where you said you were. And I figured at that point, you had left your phone at work to try to make it look look make it look less

Brett Weyers  15:30  
suspicious. Yeah, which I did. Yeah.

Cassidy Weyers  15:35  
But then you must have forgotten you married fucking the most intelligent person aside from Einstein, the super sleuth. Just kidding. So at then, right then in there, I knew something was fucking off. And you just kept digging yourself a dig like a deeper fucking hole of bullshit. And at that point, I roped in Haley, and I was like, Haley, I'm not buying this shit. Like, something's off. For those of you don't know, Haley is a good friend of mine. We've been friends for years. And I actually work with Haley too. But her and I are sleuthy as hoc when we really need to be so Haley's. Like, you know what, I got an idea. Let's just call the restaurant and ask who he was there with? Like, let's just let's ask, and no one really remembered. So I'm like, Okay, well, they'll email a receipt. And because we had the same shared credit card, sure shit, the email the receipt. And all it took was for me to see that the check was one of two. And I knew you were fucking full of shit. So then I called the restaurant back and I'm like, hey, what's the name of the person on the other check? And they gave it to me. They gave me your name. Well, her first name. And then I called you out. And right then in there, I called you and I asked you point blank, and I asked you who she was. And it was silent. And I'll never forget it because I knew right then in there, our marriage was over. Like in that moment on that call. I knew our marriage was over.

Brett Weyers  16:59  
I think in that moment, and we both felt that same way. Yeah.

Cassidy Weyers  17:04  
Yeah. I think I hung up the phone. As

Brett Weyers  17:07  
soon as I saw that you had texted my work phone and asked me to call you. I knew right then and there that you knew. But I still kept lying, and trying to try

Cassidy Weyers  17:21  
to dig such a deep hole of bullshit, and you thought I would buy it, which was so funny to me.

Brett Weyers  17:26  
I didn't think you would buy it. If you want it. My unhealthy tactic was lie, lie, lie. I hope she buys it.

Cassidy Weyers  17:36  
Yeah, so finally, I think I didn't even speak to you after that. You came home. And the first thing I said to you is pack your shit and leave. I don't even think I gave you the time of day or the broth to go beyond that. Because I didn't fucking care.

Brett Weyers  17:50  
I don't even remember what happened in that first, like, 24 hours because I was so fucking scared. And yeah,

Cassidy Weyers  17:58  
I remember asking you if you had slept with her. And you'd lied initially until I found her myself. Yeah.

And then I reached out to her fiance because this chicks engaged which is a whole different ballpark. And he was like, Yeah, I knew about it. We're in an open relationship, yada yada. But we were under the impression you were under you were in an open relationship as well, because that's what Brett had told her. I'm like, wow, this is fucking wild. I've got one chick who knows that we're cutting my kid's head open in two weeks, and she's over her fucking my husband. And then I've got ham who's fucking her? While I'm at home stressing trying to figure out how to arrange the logistics of cutting my kid's skull open. And I'll never forget the rage I felt towards you in that moment. Like just the fucking disrespect. And the audacity was so fucking surreal.

Brett Weyers  18:46  
I destroyed everything. And we were headed into one of the most difficult things any parent can do and I made it 1000 times fucking worse for you. Dude,

Cassidy Weyers  18:55  
you set that shit on fire before even started

Brett Weyers  18:57  
fires a nice term for it.

Cassidy Weyers  19:00  
So I'll never forget the rage. I felt I remember talking to her and she was so apologetic and I believed her I felt I actually felt bad for her because it was even creepier because after I think what it lasted three weeks with you guys or something that's as far as it got. Yeah, you only met like, what, three four times and three times had sex once or twice. I don't even know. But she was like, so apologetic, but she was also like creepy Ashley, over the moon in love with you. And I just that was a fucking number of red flags in itself. Because the last thing I needed some creeper who's like obsessed with my husband? That was more than I could handle because I could barely stand my own skin at that point. So yeah, I don't know, that was wild. And then, you know, she was really respectful and said she would you know, let it be and just choose him step away and be respectful of the situation we were in and that I was blindsided. But we'll get into that later because another neither of you could even manage that part either. Let's just hop into the next question, because I'm sure we'll get to some of this nitty gritty shit in the next podcast or even later. All right, so Brett, were there any feelings of remorse prior to CAS finding out? Yeah. How did that feel? Like I wouldn't I would have been fucking vomiting with guilt.

Brett Weyers  20:13  
I felt it. I mean if you're going to talk about like a physical feeling it felt like I wanted to constantly throw up and shit my pants at the same time.

Cassidy Weyers  20:26  
Maybe that's what you were sorry fucking stomach problems.

Brett Weyers  20:28  
I was also like, just consistently like, on edge shaky. No appetite couldn't eat. Like it was like, I don't know it was it was a type of fear and remorse. And

Cassidy Weyers  20:45  
I guess the part that floors me though, is that you had slept with her the week prior the week of my guide launch, which will also never forget, because you knew how on eggshells I was you knew that I was, like chomping at the bit. I was stressed as fuck about it. Like I had put my heart and soul into that I was up till midnight, like five days a week writing that guide. And it meant the world to me. And I'll never forget that you chose the two days prior to that launch to fuck her. And the part that really sends me is that you met her a week later, so you obviously didn't feel that much fucking remorse. When you went to lunch with her took time out of your work day.

Brett Weyers  21:21  
Didn't mean I didn't feel remorse.

Cassidy Weyers  21:24  
Shit when I feel remorse, I want to I want to toggle the fuck away. Well, I guess I can't speak for you because I've never cheated on someone. I've never even come close. I would never contemplate it. I know how destructive it can be to the other person. And just like the trauma that instills long term. I've never even come close to contemplating it.

Brett Weyers  21:40  
How far until we get to the question that says Why did I cheat? We got a while. Okay, so I could I could go off and answer this question and a lot of other questions right now. But I'll try and stay focused. You need to ask question one more time because we didn't answer it.

Cassidy Weyers  22:02  
You said that were there any feelings of remorse prior to cast finding out and you said yes. You said you were sick to your stomach? It's I don't think answering a simple yes. Is you said you're sick to your stomach. And like

Brett Weyers  22:11  
I said that. Where I'm going with that is I don't think answering a simple yes. Is a sufficient enough answer. Like yes, I felt more remorse and more guilt and dread and fear than I have felt in my entire life. I don't I didn't have the skills to fucking deal with that. I wanted to tell you. I had several opportunities after I cheated on you to come forward and tell you before you found out and for various reasons that we'll get to later. Like I just didn't have the fucking balls. And I couldn't man up and just be honest with you.

Cassidy Weyers  22:57  
We had sex the next morning for like the first time in so long that I initiated. And in hindsight that gives me such a fuckin EQ. Looks such a fucking.

Brett Weyers  23:07  
I mean, it gives me such an ache right now. Do I don't know what I was feeling. You want to know what I felt when we did that? I almost felt relief

because like the the feeling that I had been chasing was and we'll get to it. I won't. Which is a different question. But I the feeling I was chasing through other women. I wasn't getting it from them. I mean, I was but not. And everyone's gonna think oh, he was getting love and emotions now we'll get there.

Cassidy Weyers  23:43  
Baby, you will get them as long as I meet someone else that makes a million dollars a year well,

Brett Weyers  23:47  
there was never about love and emotions. But like when we when we slept together that next morning, like the feeling of relief I had we hadn't done that in so long. And that's all I wanted. But like that's not your fault. Like we had cycle time. Yeah, we did.

Cassidy Weyers  24:07  
Actually, our sex life has gotten better now than ever, which is the part that floors me. Yeah, no,

Brett Weyers  24:11  
you got a got it did get better.

Cassidy Weyers  24:13  
No, I mean prior to me knowing you were cheating. Yes. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, you need a really expensive shrink, dude. I really expensive shrink.

Brett Weyers  24:24  
Maybe more than one oh my god, something. But that's what I felt. And I get it. Like that's a really fucked up thing to feel in that moment, especially after the choice that I made in, you know,

Cassidy Weyers  24:37  
in those moments, did you ever think about how it impact cast in your family or how it would hurt her? What about your extended families? I think siblings or parents,

Brett Weyers  24:46  
I think the extended families. Not really. But when it came to contemplating making the choice to do those things to text otherwise I mean, every year, like every six months, I would have an emotional affair. It was never your fault.

Cassidy Weyers  25:08  
It was always me not owning your shit. Just to know and you shouldn't have to get to that because we're going to clear that later. But it's in a different episode where we're No, it's later in this one. I'm gonna, I'm gonna cap that with this one. Okay, I'm gonna clear that error real fucking fast. Because that shouldn't misses me off.

Brett Weyers  25:23  
Right. Okay. But I know there's a later episode where I think both you and I, at least with these first talk more about the marriage itself? Yeah, but where I think both you and I will become unhinged.

Cassidy Weyers  25:37  
How was your family handled this?

Brett Weyers  25:40  
Yeah, so as far as like, external family, or are thinking about family? extended family? No, I didn't really think about the extended family. Yeah. At times, like you're in there.

Cassidy Weyers  25:50  
But how do they know they want to know how they handled it? I

Brett Weyers  25:53  
didn't answer the first question. Yeah. Because the other thing was, did I ever think about caste? Or my family? Or the kids? Yes, I did.

Cassidy Weyers  25:59  
We kind of already answered that.

Brett Weyers  26:00  
I mean, we did.

Cassidy Weyers  26:01  
But how's your family handled? your extended family? Your sisters, your parents?

Brett Weyers  26:07  
Not well. Yeah, not? Well, to say the least. For the first couple of weeks, I think because they had been seeing what you've been posting on social media. There's a lot of hard feelings surrounding that. Yeah, they had a lot of hard feelings towards you. And at the time, like I was going through my own, like rock bottom moment. And where were you gonna kill yourself? Yeah. And I just didn't have the mental capacity to just like, even talk to them about how they were handling the situation. And so what happened was, when you started posting on social media, what my family members started doing is they started getting mad at you, which was not, that's, that's not the place where anger, blame should go in this situation.

Cassidy Weyers  26:54  
I mean, I'll take what I've dished out, that's the thing, like I knew that that would come with consequences, and there'd be hard feelings surrounding it. Which is also partly why I did it. Because ultimately, my angle with that was to make sure I shot a really ugly light on the reality of our situation. And the more people got mad at me about being honest, the more I realized how toxic this marriage was, because everyone was mad at me about being honest about the action that you put us in. So had I not said anything, everything would still be kosher, which I think is fucking ironic, in hindsight, because as long as you would have kept your dick in your pants and your shit where it belong, we wouldn't

Brett Weyers  27:24  
have been there. That's true. We wouldn't have been there.

Cassidy Weyers  27:28  
So you knew when I headed into this, that my end goal was to make sure that I painted a very vivid picture of the reality because I think so many people are under the impression that you were perfect or that No, perfect isn't the right term. But people thought you were a great husband. No, my

Brett Weyers  27:41  
the external like what social I'll say what social medias are the outside world, what outside of our home saw was a very put together well manicured, perfect man. And I think both of us, you protected me a lot throughout the last 10 years. And to the point where there's a lot of stuff that people don't know about, and I don't know if we'll ever discuss it, maybe we will. You're on hinge. So I would assume so. Whether I get to discuss that with you or not, I have no fucking idea.

Cassidy Weyers  28:12  
That's what I what I talk about. I only talk about things that directly impacts me. I won't discuss your shit unless it's actually personally hurt me or changed my life.

Brett Weyers  28:20  
Okay. But yeah, I mean.

Cassidy Weyers  28:23  
All right. So why do you have an affair?

Brett Weyers  28:31  
Is this a new? Are we under a new color category? Yes. Okay, what are read out? Maybe you should just read how many questions are in there? Maybe we should just read them all. Because I have a pretty long list. There's 10 was the first two.

Cassidy Weyers  28:44  
Why did you have an affair? And what was the tipping point that Brent decided to actually cheat? Maybe I'll start combining them like that.

Brett Weyers  28:50  
I mean, that's a good question. But yeah, so I'll answer that. I'm going to answer this first question, and probably eight of the other ones on your list will get answered. So for for Kathy's listeners, I'm going to go off on a tangent right now. And I'm going to get lost going through it. So I'm going to ask as to help drag me back and center me.

Cassidy Weyers  29:14  
Alright, so why did you have the affair? What was the tipping point that made you decide to actually cheat?

Brett Weyers  29:21  
Okay, yeah, the two questions. Why did I cheat? A lot of people think that the dancer, what do you think the a lot of people think the answer is because

Cassidy Weyers  29:34  
they assume we weren't happy in our marriage. Yeah. They assumed it was a direct correlation of like us. And what do you say to that? I think in most marriage scenarios, that's definitely one of the like, underlying causes. And I think to some extent, that probably did play a part for you. But I think it's wild how much we were on different pages on how we viewed our marriage to

Brett Weyers  29:55  
Yeah, so I was unhappy, but not with our relationship that you were just on Happy period, there's a difference. So I cheated, right? I cheated on you. And that was something I never thought I would do. So I didn't understand why I did it. After I did it. After it happened. Like the one the biggest fear that I had was, I knew that I didn't. I always get screwed up with double negatives and sentences. So me cheating had nothing to do with me not loving you, or not having an emotional connection with you. So it wasn't the typical thing that everyone thought or thinks when someone cheats. Right? There was an aspect of me feeling unloved. But that had nothing to do with you

Cassidy Weyers  30:55  
at all. I mean, it did I think there was to some extent we were at a place in our marriage, where

Brett Weyers  31:02  
when I say it had nothing to do with you, I mean, it it wasn't because you weren't giving me love. You were giving me love. But it had everything to do with me feeling unloved or lovable. So I cheated on you, the rest of the world also, and I cheat on you the rest. everyone also knows that when you kicked me out a week later, I went and slept with another woman. And it was someone that I had we'll call it a texting affair with like for like two years prior to, to everything. shit hitting the fan. And

Cassidy Weyers  31:47  
you know what's wild is I didn't even connect the dots that that was going on that long until you stop with her.

Brett Weyers  31:53  
Yeah, I mean, like what it like, I mean, she just she would disappear for a very long time. And then we'll get to why. Kept going back I forgot where I left off. Sam was great. Someone listening is gonna be like, ah, yeah, it was right here.

Cassidy Weyers  32:17  
You're gonna fuck up. I know.

Brett Weyers  32:20  
But so I slept with the other woman. But when I when I slept with her, and afterwards I got nothing from it. Nothing.

Cassidy Weyers  32:32  
I mean, besides me reaming your fucking ass.

Brett Weyers  32:34  
I mean, I got that. Like what it did? Is you started you late into me.

Cassidy Weyers  32:39  
Well, yeah, you showing up in my fucking house at 3am ain't gonna do it, buddy. Yeah, there's a

Brett Weyers  32:43  
lot of fucked up things about it. And we're gonna do it, buddy. When that situation culminated. I went back to to Luke's house, and I must have sat there the entire day.

Cassidy Weyers  32:58  
Poor fucking look honest to god, he's probably so sick of dealing with your fucking show. I mean, I closed the door. I just he's still probably so many times that I've had to be like, go fucking stay at Luke's and he's probably like, Dude, get the fuck out of my house twice. Get the fuck out of my house.

Brett Weyers  33:14  
I must have spent the entire day just not understanding why the fuck I was making the decisions that I was. And that moment, what it did for me is it propelled me into finally for once in my fucking life trying to find help on my own. Rather than trying like letting everyone else fix my mistakes for me, or me saying sorry, in temporarily putting a bandaid on the situation. And then never following through with any action. But like, I was literally rock bottom. And like one thing that happened for me is I didn't know I realized like, I didn't know what was wrong. And I didn't know how to help myself. And I was so fucking scared. Right? Because one, I cheated on you. I think I never wanted to do because I loved you emotional connection. And for the most part, we didn't have a bad relationship.

Cassidy Weyers  34:08  
I'm not sure you're capable of an emotional affair. To be honest. I don't think it's in like you're just general makeup.

Brett Weyers  34:14  
Why? I'm not doubting you. But But I'm also not claiming that that's true. I want to know why.

Cassidy Weyers  34:25  
Now, maybe you are. I just don't think in the very back of my mind. I always kind of figured you'd be capable physically cheating, but ultimately, I think that if any man I think any man is actually capable of it. I don't care how good they think they are. They say they are. I think any man is capable of physically cheating. I don't think certain men are capable of emotionally cheating though.

Brett Weyers  34:43  
Okay, that makes sense. But that does make sense.

Cassidy Weyers  34:47  
Like I don't I think you were I think we were to still ultimately like in love with each other and too much just partners for you to have like the bandwidth for it quite frankly.

Brett Weyers  34:57  
Well, I can tell you what, like any So I did every like six months.

Cassidy Weyers  35:04  
And they weren't even necessarily emotional affairs. I think you were just looking for someone to like stroke your fucking ego.

Brett Weyers  35:08  
Yeah, we're also getting sidetracked so I'm gonna go back to my story because cuz my story leads to this conversation. So what I did is like I was in that place of, I was freaking out I didn't know what was wrong. I was depressed my life was falling apart. I wasn't getting to see my kids like I every bad thought and it's like, it's like if you have a bad thought a lot of people kind of stopped themselves at that first bad thought.

Cassidy Weyers  35:39  
Yeah, most people just like cry on the couch when they're having a bad day realize how much there's life sucks. I don't like go out to like other people. What I still floors me

Brett Weyers  35:46  
what I did is I started having the bad thoughts about losing you, the kids everything like that. And it went to like, down Alice's rabbit hole of worst case scenarios for everything. And at that point,

Cassidy Weyers  36:02  
that place is cooler than this. Don't compare it to that. What places Alice's rabbit hole are scored in this house.

Brett Weyers  36:06  
I mean, unless you get stuck in the Queen's like jail that's still be

Cassidy Weyers  36:09  
fucking cooler than this. Johnny Depp's the real MVP. know he's the Mad Hatter. Yeah, buts kidding.

Brett Weyers  36:17  
Okay, whatever. Anyways, I went down to Alice's rabbit hole and not to the kid friendly movie version that we all like. And I realized, like, I like, dude, I'm down here. And I don't know what's wrong. And so,

Cassidy Weyers  36:34  
so rock bottom fucking hurt. Hey.

Brett Weyers  36:36  
Yeah, I thought I had been at rock bottom. I told you you hadn't know you. You

Cassidy Weyers  36:41  
were. I had warned you for years that you wouldn't like how it felt?

Brett Weyers  36:45  
Yeah. Somehow I never. I never picked up on I never picked up on what you were telling me. And so at that point I started searching for. I know, there's questions later about, like, how am I helping myself? They said this one question is going to answer a lot of other ones. So I remembered back to what you did. When? When Elena started having issues. We didn't know what was wrong. Right. And we got some misdiagnosis diagnoses. I can't say that because I mean,

Cassidy Weyers  37:22  
they're not. They were dead on either. Yeah.

Brett Weyers  37:25  
But you joined Facebook groups, or you went searching for Facebook groups of like what you know, to figure out what was wrong with you, Lena, so in some, like moment, like something told me to go do that. And so I went out. And the funny part is, is I actually Googled, support, what did I Google, I Googled support groups for husbands that cheated on their wives, and didn't want to like that

Cassidy Weyers  37:54  
you should frame and frame it.

Brett Weyers  37:57  
If you go back a few weeks in my search history, that's what you'll see. I mean, like, it sounds like a ridiculous question, doesn't it? Because, because if you think about that, you go, why the fuck would someone cheat on their wife if they didn't want to?

Cassidy Weyers  38:11  
But that's my point. I think that's where you and I were so vastly different. I just I didn't have any comprehension of your mindset. Yeah.

Brett Weyers  38:16  
And that's like, when I type that question into Google. That's when I was like, Holy fucking shit. Like, there I am a damaged person. Yeah. And so I found a group joined it. committed to it for a year right off the bat, though, so this was after doing extensive research on multiple groups, different things. I could do local treatment like literally inpatient treatment for like mental health help. Like I was looking at shit like that. I was like, I don't know what's going to help me but I have to find something.

Cassidy Weyers  38:52  
Yeah, I think imploding your life is probably a good telltale.

Brett Weyers  38:55  
But I'll I didn't mean to cut you off. But I also have to give you credit where credit is due for 10 years you were trying to tell me that Hey, dude, I need you to fulfill these relationship needs. And you you're like, you have things you need to work on. Like this is hurting me like you were trying to tell me for 10 years how much pain you were in. And I I cared but on the same level it's like I didn't know how to care.

Cassidy Weyers  39:24  
I still to this day think you're a narcissist. I know you do. But I don't think so. That's the most narcissistic thing I've ever heard. Literally just took

Brett Weyers  39:39  
no the narcissistic thing to say there. Well, I will tell you what I mean by that. And that was really funny. Ya know, like if you take it for like, what, what you just did, like people who don't haven't done extensive research on narcissism like you have in the last couple months. They don't get it, but it's like, yeah, narcissist would say No, that's not me. They believe it. But what I'm telling you is, I'm not a narcissist, but I do have narcissistic behaviors. Absolutely.

Cassidy Weyers  40:09  
Yeah. Through and Through.

Brett Weyers  40:12  
So there's there is a difference.

Cassidy Weyers  40:15  
Let's get to some more questions. We got a long way to go.

Brett Weyers  40:17  
I'm going to answer all these questions with my story. Some of these I don't think you're

Cassidy Weyers  40:21  
gonna expect, okay, I think people want them addressed individually. So like don't ramble too much, because I want to be able to say them to people know that we did address them.

Brett Weyers  40:28  
So I'll cut to the chase, do you want me to cut to the chase? And so why did I cheat? It's because i i for the group helped me realize this.

Cassidy Weyers  40:37  
And let's I prompt you to like tangent, like, try to get to the point. Okay, my bad.

Brett Weyers  40:41  
I mean, this is my first time on your podcast. So and this is your first episode. So fucking brilliant, though. Yeah, you are? Why did I cheat because I believe that was on level lovable. So through a lot of a lot of extensive self reflection, and a lot of emotional and vulnerability, work and in tackling my insecurities. What I learned is that I have an insecurity of believing that I'm unlovable. And so what to get to everyone's question, why did I cheat? What that did is when I was younger, right, my dad traveled a lot. And just so everyone knows, I have since spoken to my parents about this since realizing it. And it was a very good conversation. Actually, I'm sure it was hard. None of this is their fault. But this is what happened. Okay.

Cassidy Weyers  41:38  
I think one thing to note, off the bat, is that so much of our childhood and the things that we experience, whether they're intentional or not, can shape us. And that's the hardest part of parenting because you can't make perfect kids and you can't be a perfect parent. Yeah. I think your parents thought they were doing the best they could and they were. But ultimately,

Brett Weyers  41:59  
I think you're like, wait, you asked my first question like, what's, what was my motive for coming on this podcast? And I'm hoping like, right now this is kind of like, I'm realizing like, I hope that like, I can help people understand like, like, you need to deal with your insecurities in the way that people have been teaching you to deal with them is it's not right. If you've worked through them. Goddamn share every however you got through them. Tell everybody how you did? I don't have any. Yeah, no. Kidding. I mean, like, if you have insecurities cast, they are ones that do not like cripple your existence and how you function.

Cassidy Weyers  42:40  
No, I think I just I think I dissociate. Whatever. I think when they kick in, I'm like, doesn't exist. Let's move on.

Brett Weyers  42:51  
But yeah, so I had this unloved this insecurity that I developed early on in childhood. And so this insecurity I've been carrying around for 20 plus years, I have a lot of other insecurities that for for other ones specifically that I've identified since I've joined this group, and I'm working on them, but specifically to answer the question like that unlovable feeling, there is a point in my life between the ages of 14 to 17, where my dad was traveling a fuck ton for work.

Cassidy Weyers  43:20  
Well, isn't it like 247 weeks out of the year or something insane like that? I don't know what percentage is 47 weeks out of the year? Well hit 50. There's 52 weeks in a year. So I'm not going to do that math. That's a lot. That's 75% of the year 70% 75% A year.

Brett Weyers  43:34  
I mean, yeah, like the way that I break it down in my head is at any time he was gone for two to three weeks out of every month. And that was for at least three to four years of my life. And that was during but also in a pivotal time in your life. Oh, yeah. That was when I was going through puberty. And I was trying to find my place in the world. That

Cassidy Weyers  43:52  
was oh, you're still a 19 year old.

Brett Weyers  43:55  
I mean, emotionally. Yeah. Yeah. Emotionally. Yes, I am. On some level still 19 year old because I'm carrying along with me the insecurities that I developed when I was 19. I'm like, kidding, but not like, I know that. The funny thing is, is that I know that you're kidding, but I'm not. I'm being serious. I'm carrying the next we haven't made any and it's been 20 minutes. You're gonna let me answer the question, please. Can I answer it? Okay. So between 14 and 17 felt very unloved. My insecurity dad was traveling a lot, two to three weeks out of every month. My mom and my sisters were extremely have into competitive horseback riding, so they were constantly sharing that hobby. And I felt very alone. Very, very alone. And the context that I gave myself, like that little bright gave himself was that dad's job and money were more important than him. Okay, yeah. And I'm able to talk about that now without crying.

Cassidy Weyers  45:06  
I can't because as a parent, I still can't stomach it. Like

Brett Weyers  45:10  
when my perspective is

Cassidy Weyers  45:12  
so much different having kids specifically having a son and a daughter.

Brett Weyers  45:16  
Yeah. One thing that your listeners need to understand that in order for me to go to a vulnerable place to deal with that insecurity of that unlovable feeling and the context that little Brett developed around it, I had to I had to go through a really scary process, one that I hadn't done for 30 years, I had never done emotional work to deal with my insecurities. And

Cassidy Weyers  45:48  
having sex with people is not emotional work. No, it's not.

Brett Weyers  45:50  
That's that's, that's really unhealthy coping. And so you have to understand to do the the work to get through an insecurity, even layer of it. It's, it's a really, it's a scary fucking process, it's dark. And if anybody ever, if anybody ever wants to hear about it, I'm willing to talk about it.

Cassidy Weyers  46:15  
I think it's important to let people know that like, in all time, I've known you to some extent, I, you've always been an extremely emotional person. I don't mean that in a bad way, or like in a negative connotation. I just simply mean that I was always aware that you were someone that had feelings that were present and that they needed to be acknowledged,

Brett Weyers  46:39  
cast lets everyone.

Cassidy Weyers  46:43  
Know, it's not necessarily because I, to some extent, think I'm much less emotional than you. Like, I just don't have the same capability to be

Brett Weyers  46:50  
gold. Yeah, it's because the way that I had been acting for 10 years forced you to be the masculine one in the relationship, and you had to hold shit together and push your urine own emotions to the side, because I was falling apart.

Cassidy Weyers  47:03  
I mean, probably, but I just don't I think to some extent, I'm just not. It's not there for me. And I think that's been long even before you. I think part of that is just experiences and I think trauma does that to people. I think there's some level of like dissociation there, but I just I don't have the same like, the way you were experiencing things and how you channeled it. It just wasn't there for me. Like I just didn't use a mean I was able to power through and figure it out. And I just

Brett Weyers  47:29  
Yeah, that does make sense. Like I commend you. And

Cassidy Weyers  47:33  
I mean, Alan was dying last year we've we both handled it vastly different Oh, greatly different played a huge part in our marriage downfall. But I think that has a lot to do with it, too.

Brett Weyers  47:44  
Yeah. All right. Let's get into I'm still gonna answer the question.

Cassidy Weyers  47:49  
Jesus Christ, would you answer before I die? We literally still have, oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

Brett Weyers  47:56  
That's fine. All right. We went off on a tangent. But during that time, where I felt very alone in my family, one thing that happened is that was during Can you stop making that noise? Please? No, I can hear it. Okay, so one thing that happened during that

one thing that happened during that that time period, where I felt very alone was it was the first time I got an actual girlfriend, right. And so she was essentially in a time where I felt the most unloved and alone in my own family, she was the only person that gave me any validation and made me feel loved or that my emotions mattered, or that I actually existed. And so through that, like what I did is the whole nother topic, but I'm like, right for 20 plus years, I've haven't been able to internally validate or accept my own internal wins. So I relied on the exterior world completely for any level of my happiness. I wasn't capable of internal happiness.

Cassidy Weyers  49:04  
I legit wonder how two people like you and I ended up together. I'm so polar opposite. I don't have a flying fuck. Like, if someone's like, I'm proud of you. I'm like, thanks. Great. But like,

Brett Weyers  49:15  
I'm glad like that, like that happen for you to feel that way and have that level of like, emotional and mental freedom. That's a part. You

Cassidy Weyers  49:23  
know what's funny, I didn't even know what that actually was. Until you started doing your own emotional work. I just thought I was a raging bitch who just didn't give a

Brett Weyers  49:30  
shit. It's just that you don't need other people's validation

Cassidy Weyers  49:33  
didn't give a fuck I'm like, Sure, why not? So So through this insecurity,

Brett Weyers  49:37  
right? I felt unloved wasn't capable of validating myself wasn't capable, didn't have any confidence, right wasn't capable of loving myself, which is all those are very important. And so but I learned to get them through my girlfriend at the time she was the also the first person that I was sexual with. So let us first of all, add that to You to make things more complicated. And so her and I, we dated for, I don't know, five years, five, six years, and then we broke up. And what had happened is like I lost all of my form of feeling good about myself any form of external validation, any form of validation, actually, because I couldn't do it myself. And so from that point, like I, I immediately started, you know, reaching out to women, and just seeking all the forms of validation that I could the easiest way that it came to me was through through women. And then, when you and I first started dating, if you remember back when, I don't know if you remember, but you are actually better friends with my roommates than me. And you and I kind of we kind of butt heads a little bit your

Cassidy Weyers  50:57  
opinions? Yeah. You know, should have stuck with that.

Brett Weyers  51:03  
So, I think not, I think what happened was, is I went into our relationship, already not feeling good enough for you. Because you have to remember, the only place that I can get validation from or feeling good about myself is externally and you weren't given it to me, at least not fully.

Cassidy Weyers  51:25  
Know. I mean, initially, especially initially, you were just

Brett Weyers  51:28  
Yeah. And so like, it's you started giving it more and more to me, the more we the longer we started dating.

Cassidy Weyers  51:37  
We also say friends first,

Brett Weyers  51:38  
yes, we did. But I went into the relationship already kind of not feeling good enough or not validated. Right. And I needed that external to feel anything. And so we had our first

Cassidy Weyers  51:50  
note to self just get you a rotating roster of women of texture to your dick is bae. No, that's it.

Brett Weyers  51:56  
No, it has. No it's not sexual, but

Cassidy Weyers  51:58  
that's fucking hysterical. If you think about it, that's exactly how it played out.

Brett Weyers  52:01  
I mean, that is how in layman's terms, if you put it veers gonna find a bunch

Cassidy Weyers  52:05  
of desperate women to text you every once awhile be like, Hey, your dick is great. Thank you. Yeah, that would have saved our marriage. You're lessening the significance of it. If I would have liked if I would have just like, I just felt like putting your spin on it. In theory, what the fuck?

Brett Weyers  52:24  
I, okay,

Cassidy Weyers  52:26  
I'm actually gonna do that my next marriage like, I'm gonna be like, Hey, dude, I gotta roster women for you. We'll text you every once awhile, let you know your deck is begging that you look great. Don't do that. Just don't fucking cheat on me, because I'll get you killed.

Brett Weyers  52:36  
Don't do that.

Cassidy Weyers  52:38  
I'm never getting married again. You missed the joke in the first place. That never again.

Brett Weyers  52:43  
Guy, I got the joke. But I was like, Don't do that. Because I'm fucking.

So we had our first. So fast forward, we had our first fight, right? I don't remember what the fuck it was. It had nothing to do about with other women. Like that was it was just a fight and topic. And so what I did is because I had a bad thing, like, to people to make people understand if I do a really good job on a project at work. And I know that I won't accept it myself until somebody else also tells me that I did a good job. So that's like the type of like, not being able to love myself or internally validate that I'm talking about and that's everywhere in my life. I mean, for me, for the past 20 years, I figure

Cassidy Weyers  53:27  
for me, as long as I'm getting paid, that means I'm doing a good job at work. So

Brett Weyers  53:31  
I mean, that's fucking fired.

Cassidy Weyers  53:33  
I'm not doing that fucking.

Brett Weyers  53:36  
I mean, it was to the point where I was living in constant fear of being fired all the

Cassidy Weyers  53:40  
time. I mean, I live like that, too. But that's just I think that's Millennials with people pleasing parents.

Brett Weyers  53:44  
So we had our first fight, nothing to do with had nothing to do. Where are we going with

Cassidy Weyers  53:48  
this? We have so many questions left.

Brett Weyers  53:51  
My natural reaction, my natural reaction was to then go seek validation. Yes, thank you. No, because I wasn't getting it from you. I could have gotten the validation from anywhere. But the problem was, is that I had learned to attach it to women. Yes. So you're shaking things? Yeah. So strongly before you and it came. So like, I had learned to get it so easily through that avenue, that that's what I did after our first flight. And then you found out about it. And then this like, I remember her to she was really fucking weird, and then the cycle, and then the cycle started, right. And so what happened was, I thought I was fixing everything. And essentially, basically, like, I didn't know that a relationship is like a triangle. It's not a straight line. It's not me on one end, and you on the other with my needs and your needs. No, it's a triangle with the relationship needs at the top. So every time I made a mistake, I tried to fix it. Right. But the way I was fixing it was like treating being a really good fucking roommate. But not a really,

Cassidy Weyers  54:53  
I mean, we started as roommates we should have kept it that way to be I mean, but like, yeah,

Brett Weyers  54:57  
I hyper fixated on being a really good Roommate but what I didn't do is I didn't literally filled for I fulfilled none of the relationship needs after a mistake, I made no changes to fix the relationship. And so what that did is I was hyper fixating on on roommate needs. So every six to nine months, what would happen is I thought I was doing the right thing. And I,

Cassidy Weyers  55:22  
in my defense to I think my toxic trade is that my expectations are low. Like I just turned out low. Oh, honey, you got me fucked up. If you think that

Brett Weyers  55:30  
your tolerance for my bullshit was really high because of us still having a good relationship. But

Cassidy Weyers  55:37  
I think in general, just like some women have higher expectations, they expect a lot they expect like date nights every week. And if not, it's an it's it's dead off. If they don't get flowers every week or whatever. Props to them for having those tight boundaries. For me, I'm like, thanks. You remember the birthday gift the first time in three years? Like I'm like, Cool. Oh, so you're talking about extreme expectations? Just like the relationship expectations, like what it takes to court your significant other? Well, I

Brett Weyers  56:02  
mean, if like, if that's someone's need, if like that's what someone needs out of their relationship needs. And that's what they need.

Cassidy Weyers  56:09  
I mean, I think to my toxic trait is that my needs stemmed from a very, like weird financial security place like I expected you to put in a shitload of work. Yeah. At work, because I wanted you to succeed in your career. The same way I wanted to succeed in mine, I wanted to see equals,

Brett Weyers  56:22  
so what happened was, I didn't fulfill the relationship needs, I was being a really good roommate. And then

Cassidy Weyers  56:28  
at six, you did a great job of taking out the garbage. Since give you props, thanks, it was never full.

Brett Weyers  56:32  
six to six. So six to nine months would go by after every time I made a mistake. And what would happen was, I would start to get upset with you or blame you that you weren't showing me any type of more love or more external validation back,

Cassidy Weyers  56:53  
you're fucking needy.

Brett Weyers  56:54  
Yeah, well, it's because I started getting sick. No, you're making jokes, but I'm not fucking kidding. No, but I appreciate that. You. You think it's, I appreciate that to you.

Cassidy Weyers  57:08  
I think it's important for people to know that, like, my personality is built on probably years of fucking trauma and shitty relationships, though, too. Okay. That's an important context.

Brett Weyers  57:16  
Yeah, I would agree. So what happened was, is then six to nine months down the road, I would write I expected you to be treating me differently, because I thought I was fixing the problem, you wouldn't.

Cassidy Weyers  57:29  
Wiping a kid's ashes is not fixing the problem. It's not

Brett Weyers  57:32  
I didn't talk with the triangle didn't exist to me. And so then what happened is I sort of got I would start to get angry or resentful and impatient. And it was like, it was like my tolerance to not receive external validation was like, I could go six to nine months without why receiving validation, and then I would All right.

Cassidy Weyers  57:57  
Next question. Next couple of questions. I'm gonna rope this together because we're taking fucking forever. I probably answered a bunch of them or not even we didn't answer a single fucking one of these. Okay, go rapid fire. Do you think the stress of ALS upcoming surgery triggered you?

Brett Weyers  58:11  
Yes. Absolutely.

Cassidy Weyers  58:13  
Not. It triggered me to do what? Make more money.

Brett Weyers  58:18  
Yeah, you know, what it triggered me to do

Cassidy Weyers  58:19  
is take your dignity people Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For me, I was like, Sure. This expensive as fuck like 15 20k Later.

Brett Weyers  58:26  
Fuck, yeah. So I started freaking out about it. And

Cassidy Weyers  58:30  
notice how to solve my problems. I need to get laid by someone who's not my husband. Like, okay, how many times have you cheated, Bret.

Brett Weyers  58:38  
Well, it depends what kind of cheating Oh of it.

Cassidy Weyers  58:40  
It's all cheating in my book, you already know how I operate the second you look at someone else it's not me once without my fucking wherewithal. It's cheating.

Brett Weyers  58:48  
Okay, but I'm

Cassidy Weyers  58:50  
more than you can count because I can't count either once every year more than that

Brett Weyers  58:57  
one to two times every year was the average average easily. And so but for people that

Cassidy Weyers  59:02  
context that's emotional texting, sending dick pics receiving

Brett Weyers  59:06  
people's titties so people who need it's important that you have the context

Cassidy Weyers  59:10  
well no should I would have killed you if you cheat on me that maintenance physically even yearly though,

Brett Weyers  59:14  
so that was never meeting up with anybody that was one or two times per year. Yep. And then physical cheating was his last time

Cassidy Weyers  59:24  
that's the only time I think I know of right? Yes, I know of important context there. That's

Brett Weyers  59:29  
the only thing that I know of unless I had a really horrible Bender one evening and just blacked out just

Cassidy Weyers  59:35  
I think I was probably with you for the vendor, so probably not.

Brett Weyers  59:37  
I mean, all right. How

Cassidy Weyers  59:39  
many? Let's see. No. Did the fact that cast makes more money than you have anything to do with you cheating?

Brett Weyers  59:45  
No. No, I was I'm fucking proud of her. Like misogyny. What we're gonna do. What I'm gonna do right now is right at this camera, and I'm gonna tell you I'm damn proud of her. Because I want watched her build a business from the ground up. I watched you go through being like, like you, you were subjected to a lot of sexist shit at the previous place you worked before you left I would agree and you left there and you were you were just if I felt what you felt, you know what I would have done, I would have hired a hooker.

Cassidy Weyers  1:00:23  
10 of the 10 not wrong. That's because that's the type of validation that comes the validation came from making sure that I was making more money I would have year after

Brett Weyers  1:00:31  
year, if I left that job or was subjected to that shit, you fucking handle that. And what I watched you do afterwards is I watched you. You were at such a low point in your career. I

Cassidy Weyers  1:00:42  
hated it. I was miserable. You hated it. I remember getting on a rooftop with Haley and her being like, Bitch, you know what? Come work for me. You're miserable as shit. Let's just Let's fuck around. And I'm like, You know what? That sounds like a great idea. I'll be broke as fuck and I will make it work. I'll leave my salary job to work for you, Haley sounds great.

Brett Weyers  1:00:57  
I mean, in hindsight, I remember you walking through that decision, but to everyone's point.

Cassidy Weyers  1:01:03  
Bless Haley for that. You do

Brett Weyers  1:01:06  
you do make more money than me. But I watched her build something from the ground up that is completely and solely yours. And I am so goddamn proud of it. And what I did for you during that time.

Cassidy Weyers  1:01:18  
You love me, but not in the good way.

Brett Weyers  1:01:20  
Okay, yes, I fucked you. I got away. It's not funny. But what I did for you in that time, is I made sure that that was like in the middle of like reggae right before COVID hit. And so I was like, I gotta make sure I keep a job because I knew what you were building. I was in the middle of self employment, which is scariest fuck, but I knew what you were building. I saw I kind of saw where I think I saw where it was gonna go before you because I there was like I

Cassidy Weyers  1:01:49  
for me, the only place I wanted it to go was I wanted to be home with my kids. Well, I raised them for a while. And I wanted to be a mom first. And it allowed me to do that. I wanted to be a mom. Yeah. And that sort of gave me like the ability to do that. And then in hindsight, 2020 What a fucking blessing because l was so much work. Yeah, like so much work, the amount of therapy and appointments and it scans it would have never been viable with a regular nine to five corporate job. Yeah, it would have fucked me.

Brett Weyers  1:02:20  
If you hadn't started that business. I don't know what we would have fucked me. Yeah. So does you make more money? No, I'm goddamn proud of you. No, I don't think that have anything to do with any other thing is is like I at least have enough. Like,

Cassidy Weyers  1:02:33  
you, we talked about this, we knew that you were the long game. And that wasn't the case for me, like your career was the long game. And we committed to that we knew that for me. It maybe to some extent, it was fast money in some ways, because I could do it quickly. And on my own terms. And for you, like you were in the corporate world. But you had a really good position that led you to potential like in a long game. And that was important too. But we had to both write it out differently. We had to put in the work in different times. So I don't resent you or it has nothing to do with that. I don't think so either. Next question. All right. So these are I'm gonna wrap together. How would you feel if Cass was the one who cheated?

Brett Weyers  1:03:06  
I would feel the exact same way she does.

Cassidy Weyers  1:03:08  
But could you or would you have forgiven Cass if the roles were reversed?

Brett Weyers  1:03:12  
depends on the circumstances?

Cassidy Weyers  1:03:13  
That's a loaded fucking question. Let's ask two directions. Well, so had it been a replication of your patterns in the past 10 years? Would you forgive me? Well, that's

Brett Weyers  1:03:21  
also you have to incorporate, like,

Cassidy Weyers  1:03:24  
I just said, a replication of your patterns the past 10 years. Yes. But

Brett Weyers  1:03:27  
does that also include my mental state? And like my path of thinking, and actually how I felt about you?

Cassidy Weyers  1:03:34  
Yeah, all of it. It's literally roles reversed. Would you have forgiven me if

Brett Weyers  1:03:39  
I know? And I know this about you? Yes. So you're saying if you cheat, so you're saying if you cheated on me, and I know about you what I know about myself now?

Cassidy Weyers  1:03:55  
I don't know actually, I don't know if that's what they meant, literally. So you take it how you want.

Brett Weyers  1:03:59  
I think the question is, if you did exactly what I did, found out the same way, didn't know what you knew, or didn't know what you know. Now, at that time, how what would I would have done? Yeah. Don't know?

Cassidy Weyers  1:04:19  
What if it were just a one time thing? No prior context?

Brett Weyers  1:04:24  
Or what do you do? I mean, there's always just asleep there was someone one time, there's always context it depends why. depends why you did it. Interesting. Okay. Because like the reason for me, like what drew what caused me to cheat is I have a fuck ton of insecurities. And I wasn't capable of feeling I just went through it all.

Cassidy Weyers  1:04:45  
So I grew up to these next two questions. We already kind of answered this. Why have you continued to sleep with other women once the affair came to light? And don't you think you've really blown your chance?

Brett Weyers  1:04:57  
Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I already covered that. Yes. And do I think I blew my chance by now? I do. I'm gonna assume this is a guy because I feel like a guy asked a question. I mean, who who wouldn't want to just swoop in and scoop you up? Because you are. You are amazing.

Cassidy Weyers  1:05:14  
I'm a psychopath. Let's be fucking real.

Brett Weyers  1:05:15  
You're an amazing psychopath.

Cassidy Weyers  1:05:18  
I'm functional. But yeah, I

Brett Weyers  1:05:19  
like your cyclonis I forgot the question. was talking about how psychotic you are?

Cassidy Weyers  1:05:28  
Don't you think you've blown your chance by now? Oh,

Brett Weyers  1:05:31  
I think I probably blew my chance. The moment I asked you to start dating me, because I went into the relationship with all those fucking insecurities and all of my damaged pneus

Cassidy Weyers  1:05:42  
so how many other women have you slept with since I found out about the affair? Just the one. Just lyin. No, I don't believe you. Alright, these are the good ones. How do you feel about your rock bottom being so public?

Brett Weyers  1:06:01  
At first, like it sent me over the edge. Because because

Cassidy Weyers  1:06:06  
that's what I was hoping for. I figured if I had to commemorate and misery so should you? I mean, I do. You do realize to some extent, the reason I did it was to make sure that you felt the same level of pain I did, right? Yes. Oh, not like I didn't give a flying fuck how you looked. I didn't care what your family felt. I didn't care how your friends felt about me. I wanted to make the hell you would put me through the last decade and the way you put your kids and I in the position we did. I wanted you to feel that same level of pain on a different on a different perspective, because I couldn't obviously serve up a silver platter you serve me? Yeah, no, you you were hurting. And what I also was sick of feeling I was dying inside. Yes, you had been

Brett Weyers  1:06:41  
put through 10 plus years of living in constant fear of when the next time you were going to be hurt was. And so when, when the mistake finally culminated, what you did is you said fuck it, and you didn't want to live in fear anymore.

Cassidy Weyers  1:06:57  
But I hid it to force myself to hold myself accountable to it. Because obviously, that's what I'm saying. You said fuck it. We've been through so much the past 10 years. And the hard part about that is that so many people are going to ask, Well, why did you stay. And I think ultimately, my toxic trait was wanting to believe you get better. We both wanted to believe that. And I do. I think my gut instinct has always been very strong to an extent. And I think for me, I really, really wanted to put faith in the fact that you would want to figure it out. And obviously, the longer we were together, the more we had at stake. Eventually, there was a marriage. And then there was a baby, I didn't know how to fix anything, then there was a sick child. And then there was a second baby. And then it just got heavier and heavier. And that got harder. I think it was harder to piece together too. Because I would have given up so much of myself to do right by my kids. And that was hard, because at some point, I would have never wanted this for them. And I had to draw the line somewhere I had to I needed to be an example. But I wouldn't want it for them.

Brett Weyers  1:08:04  
The only thing I can do. The only thing I have told you after all this happened is I mean we never want any any of this to happen. You had hoped every mistake would I would fix it. It never clicked for me. It took you filing for divorce, for me to finally get slapped in the face hard enough to be able to see what it is I was doing to you. And all of the problematic behaviors that I had. It's not that I didn't feel regretful or or worried about you know, the family and shit like that. But the problem there was that I didn't I never did anything to fix it. And when I did try to do stuff, it wasn't the right stuff.

Cassidy Weyers  1:08:54  
I think the hard part for me too is knowing how much I gave up to save our marriage.

Brett Weyers  1:08:58  
Yeah, your commitment to the kids is like I thank you for doing that. Like you're you're you haven't even

Cassidy Weyers  1:09:03  
that but like

Brett Weyers  1:09:04  
can I finish okay I just want to thank you for the commitment that you have to yourself because if you didn't have the level of commitment to you and the kids that you do have I don't you probably like wouldn't have filed for divorce and so I just want to thank you for being so like just committed to you and the kids and your health and mental well being and happiness and there's like thank you for for being so committed to that to file for divorce to do something that you really didn't want to have to do. A place you never wanted your life to get to. And

thank you. Seriously. Cast Thank you. There's the There's nothing else in this world. I know that now that would have helped me see this.

Cassidy Weyers  1:10:05  
It makes me sad because we had to sacrifice so much to make that happen. Yeah.

Brett Weyers  1:10:10  
Thank you for allowing me to see that because if this didn't happen i, this would have continued on for years.

Cassidy Weyers  1:10:17  
And it was one of the hardest parts for me is that the way I love loved you was so intense. Like even some of your friends I thought were so toxic for you, I still loved them. And I didn't care if you capture them because they made you happy. And I always put that first. Unlike you obviously know how last summer played out for me. I lost some like really near and dear friends to my heart. Because ultimately, I chose our marriage. And they didn't agree with that. And rightfully because obviously you fuck me so bad in the end any way that they were right. So I'll give them credit where it's due.

Brett Weyers  1:10:59  
They were right, but not for the reasons that they thought they were right.

Cassidy Weyers  1:11:02  
Yeah, I mean, I should have left you. And the part that was hard for me though, was that the way it played out, and like the lack of understanding surrounding the choices I made deemed me a liar in their eyes. And that floored me, which is fucked up. Because I still to this day, don't think they comprehend, like the gravity of my situation or where I was at mentally and the choices I made and why I did it. And it wasn't just about me, like it wasn't, it was the big picture. It was so much more than that. And I don't regret staying with you. Because let's be real, I have the most perfect baby boy out of that decision. So it's like, there are a lot of things I don't regret. I just, it's hard to because I gave up so much to remain in this marriage to still lose the marriage. And that's a piece of me that will resent you for a very long time. And you should, because they were like a huge portion of my life. So I think that's hard for me.

Brett Weyers  1:11:54  
You also you have a lot of anger towards me and a lot of resentment towards me. Because you're right. I didn't just I didn't just take away your marriage. Like what happened is yeah, you have had you have chosen me over friends

Cassidy Weyers  1:12:09  
granted, in hindsight, any friend who's willing to do that to someone who's not your friend. So like, I get it like that's not an ultimately that's they're not good friends for me, because I have friends who are in my life currently, who watched us through all those phases who are still here, right and still ride or die for me, regardless of the circumstances, like they're just not friends. But I still think it was hard for me to mourn because I felt like at the time I was left high and dry because I chose you. And that was rough.

Brett Weyers  1:12:31  
Well, in hindsight, regardless of them not being great friends in the very, very long run. It's I still, it was still my fault that you had to lose friends, because you chose me that was on a guard list of them not being great friends use it was still something that

Cassidy Weyers  1:12:49  
I don't know. And I think as a friend, I just I can't like really, I just don't get it. I wouldn't do it. So it's hard for me to relate to. Alright, so next question. Is there any part of you cast that feels sorry for Brett?

Brett Weyers  1:13:06  
I hope the answer is no.

Cassidy Weyers  1:13:08  
Because now that'd be a lie. I think I feel sorry, because I can't. I really can't fathom feeling the level of lost that you feel.

Brett Weyers  1:13:18  
What do you think it does feel like?

Cassidy Weyers  1:13:21  
Well, part of I can't fathom Didn't you hear?

Brett Weyers  1:13:24  
Yeah, I know. But it said

Cassidy Weyers  1:13:27  
if you got fucking expensive 100 Like hello,

Brett Weyers  1:13:30  
what? Yeah, I heard you shut up. That's a good joke. Actually. No, I've been unhappy with I've been unhappy for 2015 to 20 plus years. And I haven't been confident for the same amount of time, everything I put out words for the rest of the world to see is all fake.

Cassidy Weyers  1:13:53  
I think the hard part too is people don't understand that I've I'm able to separate us in different segments, right? There's the friendship version of us. There's the individuals of each of us. There's the marriage part of us, there's the parenting part of us. And so in some ways, I very much have sectioned those off in my head according to the situation. So how I emotionally feel about each variation of that is different. Obviously, the marriage part of us makes me want to throw you off a cliff. Yeah. The Parenting part of us I still highly admire, but I still resent you because the parenting part of you should have still found a way to put us first to save our kids. I still respect you as a friend and a person because I deeply feel for you. So I think to some extent, yeah, I feel sorry for you because you've imploded your life in a way I could never understand. Ever. I would ultimately like I stand by the fact that I would never do it.

Brett Weyers  1:14:46  
It's an internal struggle that but like I don't want anyone to experience

Cassidy Weyers  1:14:50  
Yeah, I mean, I do feel sorry for you because I don't own it. I don't own the situation. I had nothing to do with it.

Brett Weyers  1:14:56  
There's like there are people in this world that i i would say I kind of hate. But when I think about like, what I want them to experience as far as like when I think of like revenge I like, yeah, what I felt for the past 15 years. I want them to feel that but like when I think about that, I think of that as like temporarily not permanently. It's

Cassidy Weyers  1:15:18  
funny. I don't care about inflicting pain, I just want people to fuck off. I mean, like, I just want people to fuck up,

Brett Weyers  1:15:24  
the way I'm putting it is because of like, that's an easy way for people to really

Cassidy Weyers  1:15:28  
understand. Yes, I think that's how I feel about like people who talk shit about the situation. Without situation, this, this dynamic, all of it, like every ounce of what we're going through, like people who I mean, you know, who I'm referring to, like the friends from last year, who I know in passing, have said some things that are not ideal, or just like, how people view me versus you in this situation. It's like, unless you're actively in these shoes, shut the fuck up. No, because everyone thinks like, like, I have always lived my life by that I'm even watching a good friend of mine go through a somewhat similar situation, but truthfully, much worse. And I can only give her advice to so like, to a certain extent, because I'm not in her shoes. I can't tell her what to do, or how to do it, because I don't know what it's like to be hurt.

Brett Weyers  1:16:10  
So what do you think the common misunderstanding is that everyone automatically associates to divorce?

Cassidy Weyers  1:16:16  
Oh, my God, there's a huge variety of them.

Brett Weyers  1:16:19  
Let's talk about just our scenario, cheating and divorce. Oh, my God, people want me to let you up. Know what's like the common thought that people think because you were like, people have automatic thoughts about when someone cheats, and you're getting into force, they, they, they assume they know all of the

Cassidy Weyers  1:16:35  
in not even the details. But people just assume that they want you to respond a certain way. They want a specific reaction of you. So they tell you what you should do or what you should be doing. And as far as I'm concerned, unless you've been in nice shoes, and my exact scenario, I don't want to hear what the fuck you think I should be doing?

Brett Weyers  1:16:54  
Do you feel like people are getting angry with you? Because you're not doing what they think?

Cassidy Weyers  1:16:59  
I think well, that's how last year was like that friendship ended because I didn't think I was doing what was right. Yeah, but right now the same thing. I don't think currently because I've already eliminated people from my life, who I feel like would push that variation too much for me. I'm also in a much different place this year versus last year where quite frankly, if I, at any point felt like someone was overstepping about what I should be doing in my scenario, I would tell them to get fucked. Yeah, like I have no problem being like I'm your fucking opinion is irrelevant to me. That's one thing. I'm up about a friend of mine who is going through a similar situation. There have been moments where I've probably overstepped with her and I've said some things that might be out of line. And I didn't realize it until later. But she's like, we're done having this conversation. Like she's caught me off. Yep. She's like, we're not having this conversation. We'll reconvene later but like it's not appropriate right now. Was it you were telling her what you thought she should do kind of or being pushy, or just like, in hindsight, is because I was so protective of her. And I love her so much. And I want to save her from her situation. But I can't Yeah. And so it's that hard line to cross. So

Brett Weyers  1:17:51  
you want her to meet you where you're at? You're not me. Yes.

Cassidy Weyers  1:17:55  
And we're just different people in different scenarios. That's the bottom line. We're different people married to different people with different situations, so I can't tell her what to do. Because they're not the same. Like, everything is gonna be treated differently. And that's one thing I think people fail to fucking remember. Like, treat a situation the advice you give, as if you've either directly lived the exact same one, or as if you're flying blind, because there's no in between? Like, do not act like you know, all because you fucking don't,

Brett Weyers  1:18:22  
I don't even think there's a scenario where you can say they live the exact same situation because you and I are to you, that's my

Cassidy Weyers  1:18:28  
point. And there's no way exactly the point, you literally just validated my point. No one should give shit about anything, and then judge someone off of it or unfriend them over it. Unless it truly violates your morals or like certain things that are genuinely out of line for you. It should not pertain to you even like let's go step further. I have a really hard time getting in line with people who actively cheat or hurt other people. That's hard for me. I have a really hard time being like close friends with people like that. Because ultimately, there's so much more to that it's so damaging to someone so you've

Brett Weyers  1:19:00  
been people who, who genuinely don't. And thank God, I haven't met somebody like this, genuinely do not give a fuck about their spouse,

Cassidy Weyers  1:19:10  
kind of probably to some extent, and it's not being used at that point. Just leave like you're torturing someone else's well being for your own benefit. And that is so fucking crass to me.

Brett Weyers  1:19:19  
I have to ask a question. So I understand your context. Yep. So you're talking about someone who's cheating on their partner in general? Yeah. And it's not this. It's, they're cheating on them. But it's not driven by trauma, damage that they haven't dealt

Cassidy Weyers  1:19:37  
with. No, that's not fair. Because I think to some extent, all people who cheat stem from some level of trauma, I truly think it takes a certain level of unwellness for someone to be a cheater, I don't know a single well minded individual who actively cheats. I have never met someone who's like, I'm gonna cheat on my fucking spouse. And they're saying, or they're like, sound. It doesn't exist anybody I have ever known. That's cheated, to some extent has a shitload of trauma?

Brett Weyers  1:20:03  
Well, yeah, then you have to start incorporating, like, if you're going to talk about that, like you have to, like, you have to incorporate like social norm like all about like, what

Cassidy Weyers  1:20:11  
is there's so much to that normal back to my point, sure

Brett Weyers  1:20:14  
and not damaged.

Cassidy Weyers  1:20:16  
And that's my point. I think that's such a vast scale that like we're not therapists and I'm not ever going to spot on about it, I just have personal opinions about it. And ultimately, for the grapes part that we were kind of airing about was basically friends or people who dictate how you should do certain things and then decide to cut you off based on it. Unless it's truly harmful or toxic to you individually. I don't understand that. Like, I think now I've gotten to a point in my adulthood, and just life where the friends I have and the situations we're in, we all respect that they're different situations, and we can support each other, but we don't have to project ourselves into it. And that is such an important differentiation of being a good friend, you do not have to take on those feelings or, or project your anger about what they should be doing. And to them, you just simply need to say how can I help you? Yeah, what can I do for you? And again, I've made mistakes. Still, I still sometimes cross those boundaries with friends, but they're good enough to check me and be like, hey, too far, like, check yourself. This is not what I need from you right now. And I'm like, Shit, I'm fuckin sorry. You're right. That's not what you needed. I just that for me is a sore spot, because it's taken a long time to find those friends. And there are still some who don't fucking get it. It's painful. So that's a whole different thing. All right, last one. Are you a sex addict? This is the last question. No, for this section we see. Oh, section. No,

Brett Weyers  1:21:32  
I'm not. Alright, good. Thank God. No, like I I did just I'm not deflecting that question. I actually did spend a lot of No, I know, because I watched him that. So yeah, so if I answer yes or no to a question like this, and just for your audience's matter, if you think that it's a bullshit answer, you'll call I'll call you

Cassidy Weyers  1:21:51  
out on it. Don't you worry. Don't you worry, baby.

Brett Weyers  1:21:55  
You called me out enough to divorce me, so I'm not worried about getting called out.

Cassidy Weyers  1:21:59  
Alright, so here's some general questions. Why do you think men cheat? Why do I say this for the both of us? I don't fucking know. Why do I think men cheat? What's the mindset behind it?

Brett Weyers  1:22:14  
I know why I cheated. We've answered that. I know why.

Cassidy Weyers  1:22:18  
I'll answer how would I answer this one? Because I honestly don't think you're quite self aware enough to answer this.

Brett Weyers  1:22:23  
So yeah, so like I have, why do I think men cheat? I'm going to say a very, very broad answer. And everyone, please, you need to understand that this is a very broad answer. And how deep this goes underneath is like It's deep. It's like going to the core of the earth underneath this, but to put it simply, insecurities.

Cassidy Weyers  1:22:48  
Yes, I would agree. I think insecurities. I think trauma plays a huge part in it. I think ego to some extent

Brett Weyers  1:22:54  
you get you get subjected to trauma, and your trauma develops the insecurities

Cassidy Weyers  1:22:58  
very much. They're kind of one in the same in some ways. I think that ego probably does play a part for some people who are shallow.

Brett Weyers  1:23:06  
Yes. Not having a correct understanding of what masculinity actually is. Like.

Cassidy Weyers  1:23:14  
I think there's a wide variation of the reason men cheat. I think it stems much deeper than the typical like, I think it is as simple as some people being unhappy. Like I think some people cheat in relationships because they're unhappy, but don't know how to leave or will

Brett Weyers  1:23:25  
there are other people too that like they cheat on like, I do believe that there are people that cheat on their spouse because they don't love them. But the other factor that you have to factor in is there's a lot of people that are also codependent correct. And there's a lot of other factors that keep those people in those relationships. Finances,

Cassidy Weyers  1:23:41  
there's a menagerie of things. Yeah. Oh

Brett Weyers  1:23:43  
my god. So like when we talk about like everyone looking at you and going, Cassidy you should be acting this way you should be if

Cassidy Weyers  1:23:50  
one more person tells me what I should or shouldn't do. I'm gonna lose my shirt.

Brett Weyers  1:23:53  
It's complete. It's complete. It's complete bullshit, because that question right there. Why do people cheat? There's an endless amount of answers right? But like to put it simply, insecurities ego,

Cassidy Weyers  1:24:03  
this one's good. Do you think once a cheater always a cheater?

Brett Weyers  1:24:10  
I can't answer that.

Cassidy Weyers  1:24:11  
I do. Like why I'm leaving. Okay. I don't think I've ever met anybody. That's cheated. That ever didn't cheat again.

Brett Weyers  1:24:25  
I know some people that have cheated and never cheated again. They're in my group, their coaches.

Cassidy Weyers  1:24:31  
Are they dead yet? No. Okay, well then let me know when they're in the coffin and we can talk about why? Because then you can tell me they haven't cheated again. And they said, Oh, I'm a fuckup. It's true. I know a couple of people who are dead who always cheated. That's what I'm

Brett Weyers  1:24:52  
to, to, to elaborate more on my question. Like, you know, do I think once a cheater, always a cheater I said I can't quite answer that. But because I I'm people

Cassidy Weyers  1:25:03  
are asking and referring directly to you, I there's a hidden anyone I know.

Brett Weyers  1:25:08  
So I'm living from secondhand experience from people who did cheat and have never cheated again. No, they worked through their shit. I am on my journey to work through my shit. So personally, if I continue on this journey in, like working through the program and the therapy that I'm in if I continue on this path, do I think once a cheater, always a cheater? No. But if I fall off the path, and I don't make permanent change, do I think once a cheater, always a cheater? Absolutely. Absolutely.

Cassidy Weyers  1:25:40  
Yeah. My toxic traders I'll tell you before I fuck someone

Brett Weyers  1:25:47  
you really like to dig it in? I do.

Cassidy Weyers  1:25:50  
Make sure if I stab you that I make sure it goes all the way through. Yeah,

Brett Weyers  1:25:53  
no, no. It's not like it's Hey, I'm gonna stab you in three days. Think about that for a while. Yes, that's exactly how I operate. It's calculating on day three.

Cassidy Weyers  1:26:04  
I wasn't kidding. Did I not tell you that I make sure that everything I do is calculated that there's an unresolved consequence and an action that all makes sense to me that I've played out. Various relation I just said you're a super sleuth doesn't even sleuthy I'm so point blank and blunt that it's painful for some people. All right. This one's good. What the hell, dude, you got a great woman and you cheated. Now you have the audacity to still wear your ring. For context. He hasn't worn in like two or three weeks.

Brett Weyers  1:26:35  
Yeah, I decided to take like after that, like, I think that was brought up while before people started posting questions.

Cassidy Weyers  1:26:42  
And I was begging you to take that fucking ring off. Well, I

Brett Weyers  1:26:44  
remember you asked me why it was still having it on. And I actually like went to the group that I'm in and I had probably, like an hour long discussion just about why am I still wearing it with a member in like, discussing with him? Like, in depth like, Dude, why are you still wearing it? And I started going through in, like, what's my motive behind this, and I was still wearing it because I I hadn't let go of our old relationship. I wanted to believe that it was still gonna go. And then the other thing that I was doing is I was like wearing it and telling myself that when I was wearing it, it was like a reminder of the mistake I had made and been like, like, remember what you did. And so I realized like, I wasn't wearing it for the right reasons. And so I realized like if I'm going to wear this it needs to come from a an internal, like have a very powerful internal reason. And my reason for wearing it cannot be because I want to manipulate you or anything like that. So I took it off. Because I was like I'm not wearing this thing girls were proud you I mean you did but at the same time like that didn't influence me what it did is I'm glad you did threaten me because it made me cut your finger off. It made me reflect on it more. Yeah, yeah. All right.

Cassidy Weyers  1:28:15  
This one is interesting to me because I am interested to hear your answer. I'm feeling less attracted to my boyfriend and way more to other men. Was this a similar train of thought that you had? And then after is that when you decided you wanted to wander off and cheat? What was going through your head before you made that choice? So basically, were you last attracted to me? And that made you want to fuck other people that weren't me?

Brett Weyers  1:28:39  
No. It was never about looks.

Cassidy Weyers  1:28:44  
I'm a fucking potato. I've had like two kids in two years.

Brett Weyers  1:28:47  
I thought you I thought you pregnant was sexy as fuck

Cassidy Weyers  1:28:50  
bowling ball

Brett Weyers  1:28:52  
so just this has been a funny topic between Cassidy and I for since both kids being pregnant is like like I thought you were gorgeous. Pregnant and I was still no no I was still in like a very like caveman father Lima turtle away

Cassidy Weyers  1:29:14  
I think like they got someone pregnant it was like I got that I did that.

Brett Weyers  1:29:21  
But the other thing is is like as your belly started getting bigger I was like, I was surprised that I was sexually attracted to you and so I was fucking no way that I had an experience before but the thing is is like people need to understand is like when the joke between Cassidy and I is like that I didn't find her attractive when she was pregnant. And that's solely because we didn't really have sex much towards it was miserable at the end see what it was because I couldn't in my head. I couldn't well, you

Cassidy Weyers  1:29:49  
thought it was like you had to reach out to like grab your genitals or something dramatic.

Brett Weyers  1:29:54  
I mentally couldn't get over the fact that there was a baby in there and I just,

Cassidy Weyers  1:29:58  
I think it was you could see like, the baby moving from the outside, like I think as you as soon as you would like, come in to the bedroom, and I think it was the first few like seeing their little legs move through my stomach, you're like, Yeah, we're done. We're done.